~Fear Foods~
Once an individual marks something a fear food, his or her eating disorder makes it near impossible to eat it. Consequently, the individual becomes accustomed and usually very dependent on select, few foods that he or she (or his/her eating disorder) has deemed "safe". Often times these "safe" foods include raw vegetables, some fruit, rice cakes, low calorie snacks, diet sodas, 0 calorie sweeteners, reduced fat ___, etc.
With the right treatment program, depending entirely on the individual, full recovery is possible and that includes overcoming fear foods. In the darkest times of my eating disorder, I refused to eat any breads other than Sara Lee 45 Calorie Wheat and 100 Calorie Sandwich Thins. And most of the time I'd still manage to convince myself that I didn't really need the bread, and opt for a 35 calorie rice cake. Today, I sink my teeth into sandwiches made with full, fluffy, high calorie bread almost everyday. (You can read about Why You'll Never Find Me Eating 45 Calorie Bread Again here) I eat ice cream, not the low fat or fro-yo versions, almost every day. And more importantly I don't think about these choices anymore. I don't struggle with them. These foods no longer cause me anxiety.
~ Reverse Fear Foods ~
Now, for the most part I don't ever crave or want for anything that I used to eat during my restrictive habits because full fat, full sugar products are just tastier and make you feel 200% better than the fake, artificial stuff. I used to swear I "loved" Quest Bars and eat them 1-2x a day, but after three months without eating them I realized how chemically they taste and I decided I'd rather just have a candy bar if I'm craving candy.
But there are a few exceptions of foods I miss that I had to cut out when I was recovering and replace with higher calorie, higher nutrient choices. Take rice cakes for example, when I was restricting I relied on rice cakes to serve as a vehicle for everything: egg whites, low fat peanut butter, you name it - so that I didn't have to eat bread. The lower calorie, lighter option felt safe to me whereas bread, even the lower calorie kind I bought, often felt forbidden. When I started having digestive issues, my doctor told me I needed to stop with the rice cakes for awhile, as popcorn type things can be hard to break down, and start with whole, full fat, higher carb choices to start rebuilding my metabolism.
Hence I didn't have rice cakes for like six months. And I rarely wanted them until last week when I got a hankering for a crunchy, buttery, salty rice cake with mashed avocado. I considered picking a pack up from the market, but some familiar feelings and fearful thoughts gave me pause.
What if I start replacing bread and other carb sources with rice cakes again?
What if the lower calorie switch excites me too much?
What if I'm not able to stop myself?
I've come so far, what if I fall back into my restrictive habits?
Those thoughts scare me more than any food ever did.
~Having Your Cake, and Your Rice Cake Too~
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