Who brought me back to who I was before the eating disorder took over.
No matter how bad we fight sometimes, I'll never forget that you were in my corner when I took on the most important fight of all.
THERE ARE NO RE-DOS IN THIS LIFE, BUT IT'S BEEN SAID THAT BY TELLING THEIR STORIES WRITERS TASTE LIFE TWICE. THESE ARE MY STORIES REFLECTING ON ED, RECOVERY, FITNESS, INTUITIVE EATING, AND SELF-LOVE. I KNOW NOT EVERY WORD WILL BE DELICIOUS, AND I CAN NOT GO BACK AND SEASON MY EXPERIENCES DIFFERENTLY. BUT THIS SECOND TIME I TASTE THEM I WILL DO SO WITH A SPOON OF SUGAR IN MY HAND BECAUSE I'VE LEARNED THAT BEING HEALTHY CAN AND SHOULD BE OH SO SWEET. I HOPE I CAN INSPIRE YOU TO TASTE IT FOR YOURSELF.
For my mom, Who brought me back to who I was before the eating disorder took over. No matter how bad we fight sometimes, I'll never forget that you were in my corner when I took on the most important fight of all. 1) "Eat the whole egg" Because I once spent twenty minutes trying to convince her that I didn't want the yolk. Didn't need it. Tastes the same! Not worth wasting calories! Enter that 'mother knows best' logic. Eggs are so much better with yolks in them. And life is so much better when you don't fear things like egg yolks. 2) "Don't lose any more weight" Pretty self explanatory. Basic even. But for me, it was the last straw and my moment of clarity. Hearing my mom tell me not to lose any more really made me realize how sick I'd gotten. So for anyone who needs to hear it, to make it click - don't lose any more. 3) "Don't look in the mirror" When I complained (read: couldn't handle) bad body image days. Mom taught me that you don't have to love what you see on your body all the time. Self love doesn't happen overnight and lord knows it doesn't happen every day. Sometimes you just need to avoid mirrors until you feel better. That's ok. 4) "You can have the ice cream" I remember freaking out about buying Ben & Jerry's for the first time. Feeling like I shouldn't have it - like I couldn't. Turns out, I can. 5) "What feels out of control?" My mom is the one who knew what my eating disorder was about before I even did. Who knows what all eating disorders boil down to: control. So she would ask me, "What actually feels out of control right now? What is behind you trying to control your eating habits so rigidly?" It's not like I could answer that correctly at first, but knowing it was something real, something beyond the desire to stop eating or be thin helped. A lot. 6) "Call me" Call me when you feel a binge coming on. Call me when you feel yourself losing yourself. Call me when you're struggling. Just call me. 7) "It's going to be okay" Because sometimes you just need to hear it. Need someone to believe it for you so that you can try to accept it too. And if nobody has told you yet, it's going to be okay. You will survive this and you will thrive. 8) "Eat less processed food" It pained her to see me living off of rice cakes, protein powder, laughing cow wedges, 45 calorie bread, and sugar free gum. It pained me too, when I developed a mess of stomach problems. Again, mother knows best. 9) "Your feelings are valid" Even if they aren't rational. Even if they don't feel nice. Even if you need to cry for two hours or scream or drive nowhere until you run out of gas. Your feelings are always valid. 10) "I love you." While I can't ship my mama out to you for the day, I can tell you that in all the ways she was there for me - I am there for you. I love those of you I haven't met as much as those of you whom I know personally. And you will beat this.
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[Cheet Dey] noun 1. "Cheat Day" is a term used by dieters that gives them justice to eat whatever they want one day a week as a reward for eating "healthy" foods they don't particularly care for the rest. (CalorieCount.com) Did anybody else notice something, okay lots of dang things, wrong with that definition? Because I sure as hell did. First off, the word "justice" being used in relation to eating when we all know, oh gosh I hope we all know, that eating is neither something that needs to be legitimized nor pardoned. It's a necessary function to live and breathe, not to mention a deeply engrained social and cultural activity. There's nothing unjust about it. Next, the word "reward". If eating is not something that needs to be legitimized (necessary function to live and breathe remember), then it definitely does not need to be treated as a reward. And a reward for what? For eating foods that one does not care for. In one sentence, two words have demonized the natural act of eating intuitively, honoring cravings, and enjoying something that human beings have been doing for all of history: eating. And cheat days have only been gaining more and more popularity, especially across social media platforms. But hold on a second, if cheat days are supposed to be a tool of the "healthy" why would they carry such negative, guilt inducing stigmas? The BFF EffectI'll be the first to admit that I used to be a puny cog in the "cheat meal" philosophy. And more often that not, I relied on the words "cheat meal" in social situations. See if the following dialogues sound familiar to you. Becky: *Orders a kale salad with dressing on the side* Lydia: *Orders the Skinny Skillet Plate* Charlotte: *Orders a bacon burger with chili cheese fries* .... "I so deserve this; it's my cheat day!" OR Charlotte: *Orders a bacon burger with chili cheese fries* Charlotte's grandma: "Are you really going to eat all that?!" Charlotte: Well, it's my cheat day! The worst thing about the cheat day phenomenon, is that it has become socially acceptable and I'd suggest socially encouraged to justify and make excuses for ones eating choices. The "cheat day" line gives us a way to relieve guilt over selecting a less "healthy" food by acknowledging that we know it's "bad" but pardoning ourselves by making clear that it's a rare occurrence. In a perfect world, we would take one look at the explanation above and realize, "Wow, this a really bad thing to do and harmful mindset to develop! I'm going to stop doing it!" But it's not a perfect world and we are not flawless beings. We say things without realizing what they truly entail and how they can be hurtful to both ourselves and others. Using the phrase "cheat day" or some of its first cousins "YOLO meal", "Refeed day", "Binge meal" doesn't make you a bad person, not at all. BUT next time you feel pressured to say you're "cheating" try substituting it for one of these more empowering, less demeaning alternatives. 1. Instead of... "I'm having a bacon burger with chili cheese fries; it's my cheat day." Replace it with... "I'm having a bacon burger with chili cheese fries; I've been craving them all week!" 2. Instead of... "I'm having a bacon burger with chili cheese fries; it's my cheat day." Replace it with... "I'm having a bacon burger with chili cheese fries; it's this restaurant's speciality!" 3. Instead of... "I'm having a bacon burger with chili cheese fries; it's my cheat day." Replace it with ... "I'm having a bacon burger with chili cheese fries; would you like to try some?" 4. Instead of... "I'm having a bacon burger with chili cheese fries; it's my cheat day." Replace it with ... "I'm having a bacon burger with chili cheese fries; the menu's picture looks great!" 5. Instead of... "I'm having a bacon burger with chili cheese fries; it's my cheat day!" Replace it with... "I'm having a bacon burger with chili cheese fries; two of my favorite foods!" And there ya have it! How to eradicate that pesky little phrase and all its negative strings attached. How to enjoy food again without the bargaining. This post is linked with Inspired to be Fit & Wild Workout Wednesday Don't Forget to take the 5 Question Healthyez-even-Sweeter Survey before you go!~
I've always wanted Healthyezsweet Life to be a place where Recovery, specifically eating disorder recovery, is talked about openly and productively. Anyone who's struggling should be able to read along within the categories of recovery itself, banishing food guilt, and self love 101 and feel safe and welcomed. But this is also a place of sharing, of knowledge, and of growth. So today I want to talk about a less common phenomenon that can come out of an eating disorder, reverse fear foods, and how to combat them.
~Fear Foods~
Before we can talk about reverse fear foods, it's important to understand where the concept of fear foods comes from to begin with. Within the eating disorder community, the phrase "fear food(s)" is commonly used to refer to items that cause an individual to feel anxious, guilty, upset, or even afraid. Consuming or even thinking about consuming these foods can put the individual in an intense state of physical and mental discomfort, which leads the individual to to abstain from eating them at all, or restrict. These foods usually fall into the category of ice cream, desserts, fast food, chips, breads, or anything calorie dense, but not always. Fear foods can take the form of a full fat yogurt versus a non fat version. Fear foods are never a choice nor are they easily overcome.
Once an individual marks something a fear food, his or her eating disorder makes it near impossible to eat it. Consequently, the individual becomes accustomed and usually very dependent on select, few foods that he or she (or his/her eating disorder) has deemed "safe". Often times these "safe" foods include raw vegetables, some fruit, rice cakes, low calorie snacks, diet sodas, 0 calorie sweeteners, reduced fat ___, etc. With the right treatment program, depending entirely on the individual, full recovery is possible and that includes overcoming fear foods. In the darkest times of my eating disorder, I refused to eat any breads other than Sara Lee 45 Calorie Wheat and 100 Calorie Sandwich Thins. And most of the time I'd still manage to convince myself that I didn't really need the bread, and opt for a 35 calorie rice cake. Today, I sink my teeth into sandwiches made with full, fluffy, high calorie bread almost everyday. (You can read about Why You'll Never Find Me Eating 45 Calorie Bread Again here) I eat ice cream, not the low fat or fro-yo versions, almost every day. And more importantly I don't think about these choices anymore. I don't struggle with them. These foods no longer cause me anxiety. ~ Reverse Fear Foods ~
While I no longer live under the shadow of an eating disorder, or get easily anxious over meals and food choices (although it does still happen every so often), I recognized a different type of anxiety recently. An anxiety that surfaced whenever I considered buying / ordering / eating a food that was prominent during my eating disorder days.
Now, for the most part I don't ever crave or want for anything that I used to eat during my restrictive habits because full fat, full sugar products are just tastier and make you feel 200% better than the fake, artificial stuff. I used to swear I "loved" Quest Bars and eat them 1-2x a day, but after three months without eating them I realized how chemically they taste and I decided I'd rather just have a candy bar if I'm craving candy. But there are a few exceptions of foods I miss that I had to cut out when I was recovering and replace with higher calorie, higher nutrient choices. Take rice cakes for example, when I was restricting I relied on rice cakes to serve as a vehicle for everything: egg whites, low fat peanut butter, you name it - so that I didn't have to eat bread. The lower calorie, lighter option felt safe to me whereas bread, even the lower calorie kind I bought, often felt forbidden. When I started having digestive issues, my doctor told me I needed to stop with the rice cakes for awhile, as popcorn type things can be hard to break down, and start with whole, full fat, higher carb choices to start rebuilding my metabolism. Hence I didn't have rice cakes for like six months. And I rarely wanted them until last week when I got a hankering for a crunchy, buttery, salty rice cake with mashed avocado. I considered picking a pack up from the market, but some familiar feelings and fearful thoughts gave me pause. What if I start replacing bread and other carb sources with rice cakes again? What if the lower calorie switch excites me too much? What if I'm not able to stop myself? I've come so far, what if I fall back into my restrictive habits? Those thoughts scare me more than any food ever did. ~Having Your Cake, and Your Rice Cake Too~
When the craving for the rice cakes began, I reacted by trying to nip it in the bud and telling myself that I'm "just not ready" to implement potentially triggering foods again into my diet. But I underestimated myself, my strength, and how far I've come. I'm here to tell you (and remind me) that fear has no role in your life anymore and no spot on your plate. You can have your cake and your rice cake too if you...
[This post is linked up with Thinking out Loud Thursdays]
Remember that I believe in you and the journey you're taking, friends. Feel free to reach out to me always at [email protected] if you need someone to talk to, or if you have a blog post / topic that you'd like to see covered at Healthyezsweet Life.
In fact, I'm hosting my first ever viewer survey below, to find out what you like, what you're not too crazy about, and how to make your reading experience and our connection as enjoyable and valuable as possible. Please take two minutes to fill out the 5 question survey below! While I let it be known that I'm a summer gal through and through, I'm clutching onto my favorite winter flavors like peppermint mocha and sensations like hot pumpkin soup. Since the winter weather is here to stay for a little while longer, I thought I'd bring you today to a Willy Wonka Warehouse, if you will, stocked full of your favorite comfort foods -recipes for the cozy, the classy, & the oh so chocolatey. Note that recipes marked with (V) are vegan Note that recipes marked with (GF) are gluten free Happy cooking, baking, mixing, and melting. It's time to get comfy :) The Cozy (Snacks)Baked Mac n' Cheese Cupcakes (V) (GF) Challah French Toast Sticks Healthy Buffalo Chickpea Dip Copycat Cheddar Bay Biscuit High Protein Potato Salad (GF) Cauliflower Sloppy Joes (V) (GF) (Paleo) Vegan Pot Pie (V) Savory Butternut Squash Turkey Chili Asian Veggie Noodle Bowl with Spicy Almond Sauce (V) (GF) Beetroot Risotto (V) (GF) Shout out to all the food bloggers featured for helping us all get cozy and full with these fab recipes. Which are you most excited to try? Hi readers of Healthyezsweet! I am so thankful to Cayanne for allowing me to share some common diet rules/myths on her blog. A little bit about me: My name is Kerri, and I host my blog over at www.kerriskitchen.org . I am 22 years young, a first year dental student, runner, and wanna-be yogi. I love creating healthy plant-based recipes, sharing workouts, running inspiration, and healthy living tips on my blog. I believe in creating a healthy relationship with food through intuitive eating, holistic nutrition, and self-care. Most diets begin with the intention to get healthier and maybe lose a little weight, tone up, etc. However, it is really easy to begin taking things to extremes and become addicted to losing weight and exercising. As someone with a past of calorie restriction and exercise addiction/exercise compulsion- I know this to be true. I got caught up in dieting and exercise, and lost sight of what it really means to be healthy. One of my aims is to educate people, especially young girls, on the detrimental diet fads/tips presented in the media. If you subscribe to some of these diet rules, I hope you will take a second to evaluate if they are really helping you or hurting you. As the new year rolls in, the amount of weight loss posts on the internet increases 10 fold. There is a lot of misinformation out there on how to be healthy/lose weight. I am here to debunk some of those "diet rules" that just don't add up. I used to believe so many of these "rules" on how to live healthy, but in actuality, they did not make me healthier at all. How much of those posts do you actually believe? Today, I take all of them with a grain of salt- and you should too. BIGGEST Diet Rules That Should be Broken"Do not consume more than 1200 calories a day" No adult, child, teen, elderly person, etc. should be consuming only 1200 calories a day. If you are an active person and work out, consuming only 1200 calories is dangerously low and can put you at a net calorie count of 800 or less. When you eat such a small amount of calories, your body tries to conserve energy, which can make it even more difficult to lose weight. Eating only 1200 calories can put your body into starvation mode, and can result in you feeling irritable, anxious, and HANGRY! Your body needs sufficient fuel to function properly and to enable you to think clearly. Next time you see something telling you to eat 1200 calories just laugh at it and move on. "Don't Eat Past 7 P.M." So many healthy living gurus try to endorse this idea that you should not be eating past 7. I call bull****. If you are hungry after dinner, then I see no reason as to why you shouldn't have a snack. Just be sure to choose something that is healthy (or even not so healthy) and won't interfere with your sleep. Sometimes it can be difficult to get to sleep if you are hungry or overly full. "Cut Carbs to Lose Weight" The only thing eating a super low carb diet will do for you is leave you starving an unsatisfied. Choosing healthy carbs to fuel your body will increase athletic performance, digestion, and mental clarity. All of those diets that promote cutting out whole grains, fruit, potatoes/starches, etc. do not promote a balanced lifestyle. If you are looking to adopt a healthier lifestyle, then I suggest incorporating many whole, unrefined carbohydrates into your diet such as oats, rice, potatoes, lentils, fruit, quinoa, beans, and quinoa/rice pasta. "Do a Juice Cleanse to Lose Weight" Gosh, this "diet tip" drives me CRAZY. And you will probably feel crazy too if you are only consuming juice for days/weeks/months on end. Some juice cleanse programs suggest drinking only juice for as long a month. Don't get me wrong, I think healthy vegetable/fruit juices can be an awesome addition to any diet, but solely consuming juice is not sustainable. Juices do not have as much fiber as whole foods, and thus will not fill you up or leave you satiated. My advice: skip the juice cleanses and eat whole plant-based foods. "You Need to Eat Gluten Free to Lose Weight" This is a total myth. While I do eat a gluten free diet because I have celiac disease, it is not necessary for weight loss. Most of the healthiest foods on the planet are naturally gluten free, so if you adopt a plant-based diet you will lose weight. BUT- there are so many products out there that are gluten free that are not healthy. There are gluten free cookies, crackers, chips, ice cream, and other processed foods on the market that have been made gluten free. Store bought gluten free cookies are usually no healthier than regular cookies, and may even have more calories or additives to make the product taste better. My advice: lower your gluten intake naturally by eating more plant food. Overall, I believe in a healthy, balanced diet full of nutritious plant foods and treats when I see fit. Deprivation, restriction, and fasting have no place in my life, and they shouldn't in yours either. ~ Fin ~Thank you, Kerri! I couldn't agree more with the ridiculousness of all these diet "rules" / "tools" that are really just nonsense made by fools ;) Did that that gluten-free e-card crack you guys up as much as it did me? What myths did we miss? Share in the comments below! xx Cayanne @healthyezsweet
Most Popular Posts of 2015: Self love segments, wellness, & fitness moments you may have missed12/14/2015
So excited to be ringing in my first New Year at Healthyezsweet Life. I was hoping to avoid some cheesy introduction about how this blog has changed my life, but who am I kidding? Creating Healthyezsweet Life as a safe haven away from diet culture and a positive reinforcement on topics of self love, intuitive eating, wholesome health, and fitness has given me so much purpose. So it's my pleasure to share with you this year's most popular posts. Just in case you missed 'em, keep reading!
Self Love Stretches - You're Beautiful Now
Here for you because building self love can be challenging, and like any other skill, practice makes perfect(ly happy). Why do I call self love a skill? Because it takes active participation and persistence. In this post I loved walking you through the difference between intrinsic motivation and external flattery and connecting the principles of happiness back into that stable state of self love.
My Recovery Story
To this day, my most vulnerable, heart-healing, and proud post. All I can say is a huge thank you to everybody who has taken the time to read about my battle with anorexia & orthorexia. Your support reminds me daily that I am worthy of recovery. Thank you for allowing me to be part of your journey and use my past to be a change agent for the future. topic
Let's Have the Sex Talk - Mental and Sexual Health for Women
If the topic of sex makes you a bit uncomfortable, you're not alone. But I urge you to dive into that discomfort with me, if only for five minutes. I want you to know that as a woman you have the right to not be afraid of sex or be bombarded by scare tactics that aim to keep you abstinent. I want you to know that if and when you decide to become sexually active it's your decision alone. I want you to know that as a woman your pleasure is just as important as your partners. And I want you to know that if you've never had that big O moment, there's nothing wrong with you. There's more going on than you think.
Almond Crisp Crusted Turkey Burgers (gluten free!)
This is a lunch and dinner go-to for me. And a stress reliever (say whaaat?) I guess if you're totally stress-free you could grind those Nut Thins in a processor, but where's the fun in that? By using a frozen, pre-packaged turkey burger you'll have this entree ready in 30 minutes or less. Simple ingredients include gluten free almond crisps, turkey burger, an egg, and some PAM spray. Pair with your favorite bun, lettuce wrap, sweet potato fries, etc!
My Experience as a Hooters Girl You all really seemed to get a kick out of my time spent in the orange shorts. From the most underrated menu secrets, to the mildly annoying and the flat out inappropriate; I dished all. But let the record show that the thing I will remember most about Hooters is my girls. I had buckets of fun there, and if you've not yet heard your share, go for it now!
Change Your Relationship with Food; Change Your Life + GIVEAWAY
In this post I partnered with Atkins Nutrition & invited you all to sign the petition they created demanding that the US Dietary Guidelines for 2016 include more lab-tested science and less misleading information: i.e. that fat = bad. I couldn't have been prouder to promote a petition aiming to nip fear food inducing "guidelines" in the bud. As most of us know, fat is vital to a healthy body and mind. And under eating fat / choosing low fat diet products can lead to the overconsumption of carbohydrates. We should strive for balance; it's what our body naturally craves! So eat your full fat ice cream. I hope you enjoy every spoonful.
When You're a Little Bit Lost and Trying to Find Self Love; I Will Read This to You
No images. No fluff. Just words. Powerful words. I hope you find your peace in this prose and end the year on a strong note with a genuine smile on your face. I'd love to hear what the best part of your year was in the comments below. Or maybe tell me about something you're prpud you overcame or are fighting towards in the new year. Let's make it a great one. This post is linked with Wild, Workout Wednesday & Foodie Friday *Possible trigger warning* ....or 0 calorie drinks .....or 100 calorie packs Or pretty much anything else that is marketed as a "healthier" (AKA more chemically saturated) alternative to common household items like bread, ice cream, soda, etc. This is not a post to throw a bunch of foreign, unpronounceable chemical names at you and then mock you for not knowing they were in the diet foods you eat. The truth is that in this day and age the majority of the food we eat is chemically enhanced, low-cal / diet or not. So I'm not going to ramble on (not too much at least) about how diet products destroyed my gut. You can read about that and see my gorgeous hospital photo in this post. Today I'm going to step away from the medical and scientific reasons why you won't find me munching on low-calorie alternatives, because most of you already know on some level that diet foods aren't as healthy as eating the less modified version in moderation. I sure knew it, but I didn't really care until I was diagnosed with all these crazy things and forced to care. So rather than bore you with statistics, I hope to tempt you with joy. The joy of eating 100+ calorie bread, Ben and Jerry's ice cream rather than Arctic Zero, Swiss slices instead of 35 calorie laughing cow. That's not to say you're an unhealthy person if you enjoy these diet foods once in awhile or that they're not "real" foods. But if diet foods are the only versions you eat or rather the only you're comfortable choosing, I encourage you to keep reading. I still remember the looks my sorority sister gave me two and a half years ago. We were grocery shopping at target and I grabbed two loafs of Sara Lee 45 Calorie bread and placed them carefully in my shopping cart next to the bottles of Walden Farms 0 Calorie syrup. "Why are you buying bread when the sorority house has bread stocked 24/7?" "Um...this way I have some on weekends you know if we run out or something" I lied, ashamed and unable to tell her the real reason. That I was afraid of the 110 calorie slices covered in seeds and boasting a soft, wheat center. I knew she wouldn't understand if I tried to explain that by eating this bread I could have two pieces (read: anorexia would let me have two pieces) instead of one of the other (read: instead of feeling guilty about having two of the other). Later that evening I passed by the meal our sorority house's chef had made for dinner: Grilled chicken in mushroom sauce with buttered vegetables and roasted potatoes. I proceeded to microwave some egg whites, spread a 35 calorie cheese wedge on a piece of 45 calorie bread, and sandwich it with another. Up in my room I bit into my sandwich and genuinely wondered, "Why would anybody choose 110 calorie bread when they could have one that tastes nearly as good for half the calories?!"
I used to think full recovery from an eating disorder was impossible. I now know that it is, but that the thoughts still appear every now and again. The difference is that in recovery, you able to see them for what they are: lies and distortion. I came across this photo today on Instagram I would take it one step further and say those extra 50 - 100 calories in the bread, cheese, cookie, etc. that you're allowing yourself to enjoy rather than the diet alternative - that's also your spontaneity, your freedom, your love.
That's not to say I won't order a Skinny Caramel Machiatto once in awhile or buy a pint of Halo Top ice cream. But if I do it's because I like it! Not because I'm afraid of branching out from them or afraid of the higher calorie option. This post is linked with Fit, Fashionable Friday & Foodie Friday I refuse to say Happy Hump Day I refuse to say Happy Hump Day...
~ What I Ate Wednesday~My morning's at school always start one of two ways: 1) with the massive egg & stuff breakfast bowl you saw in the last WIAW 2) with overnight oats that I prepped the night before as my post-workout breakfast (I am in the gym so early on school mornings that I'm not hungry for a pre-workout and usually just have coffee, BUT if I do feel hungry I always eat beforehand) This batch of oats was a combo I've been loving lately: - diced banana - chopped peaches (canned in natural juices) - old fashioned (not quick) oats - LOTS of cinnamon - unsweetened vanilla almond milk I let all that sit overnight and in the morning, I add peanut butter from a Jiff to go pack. I don't like mixing my PB in with my overnight oats, I'd rather spread it on top. I started to feel hungry around 10 A.M., so I chowed down on half of a turkey, Swiss-American (seriously the best cheese ever #thanksdadandCostco), mayo + mustard sandwich on my favorite gluten free bread, Canyon Bakehouse 7 Grain. This bread is sweet and spongy and the crust is fab. I started lunch with this MiniMeals2Go pack that I found at Costco. The grilled chicken is awesome in the hummus, and the veggies taste super fresh. It even has my favorite, zucchini! Unfortunately if I'm not with friends to share with, I have to throw away the pita because gluten. In no time the MiniMeals2Go pack was history, but the film I had to watch for my Iberian Culture class was far from being over. I selected what seemed like a sweet coming of age movie for my film critique and it turned out to be about a bunch of Mary Jane smoking twenty year olds who ALL CHEAT ON THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS. I was not pleased and ate this delicious Glutino strawberry breakfast bar to ease my frustration. Around 3 P.M., just before my last class of the day, I decided to get down and toasty with this chai latte. Shortly after I had the other half of my turkey + Swiss-American sandwich. Had yet another snack around 4 P.M., this time of apples and the remainder of the morning's peanut butter that didn't go on my oats. I just realized a lot of my food is positioned on my laptop in these pictures; I should probably be more careful where I eat. Reeeeeeally didn't feel like making anything when I got home around 6:40 P.M., but I'm glad I sucked it up and boiled some pasta, tossed in chicken from another MiniMeals2Go, and enjoyed it in Marinara with a side of coconut water. Last but far from least, for dessert my mom and I shared this gorgeous bowl of zebra popcorn from none other than Popcornopolis while watching the voice. I think this may be one of my favorite things to eat...I just LOVE popcorn. And chocolate. DUH. ~What's Goin' On With Me~Now for the part where I get you up to speed about what's been going on with me in the past two weeks. Cocktail Waitressing at a Deli I recently started working at Lovi's Deli in Calabasas, and all I have to say about my new job is "everything happens for a reason." LOL JK its me of course I have more to say about it. Guys, I love this place. I love being there. I love making money, obviously, but I also love the vibe and the friends I'm making and social aspect I'm getting out of it: happy hour Sundays, joking at the expo window, etc. And the money is nice too. I forgot how much waitressing pays in tips...cha-ching. Counting Down the Days Til Panama As of today, it's 26 more days until I'm back in the country that feels like home. And the place that is the home / birth place of Healthyezsweet Life, the blog! In all seriousness, I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to travel back to Panama for three weeks. I'm excited to be with my brother, my PREGNANT sister-in-law, and my boyfriend. Long distance has been killer. The first month apart after living together for three was...unbearable. We've adjusted to our new schedules, but we're always missing one another. I can't wait to spend three weeks with the man who makes the all the Skype dates and the airport goodbyes worth it. Oh and the 17 hour layover in Miami. He's worth that too, but low key if any of you want to hang out / put me up in Miami on Dec 14th...that would be cool. Becoming Even More Obsessed with my Cat I was not a dog or cat person before I adopted Baby Relic. Now I kinda sorta talk to him all the time and have trained him to spoon with me. That's not weird right? Yeah I have way too many pictures of him on my phone for it not to be weird. Taking More Rest Days As somebody who used to get anxiety attacks from taking one day off the gym, my transition to taking 1-2 rest days without thinking about it so much --> not giving it a second thought was huge. Now I find myself taking up to 3 rest days a week and it feels....really normal. I'm so happy not only that I do take those days, but that I can. That I'm mentally strong enough and recovered to the point that I can say, "I have a lot of homework today; It's more important to focus on that than to go to the gym" or "I haven't seen my grandma in awhile...I know I didn't go to the gym yesterday or on Monday, but I think I'd rather be with her today." Before, those decisions were not mine to make. My ED never even gave me the option. Now, I have a choice (and my voice). Sometimes I'll chose to completely rest and focus my energies on other responsibilities / activities, sometimes I'll use the downtime to practice stretching for mobility and to avoid injury, and sometimes I'll chose to have that workout after all. But whatever I choose, there's no guilt involved. Not anymore. Hope you enjoyed taking a peek into my daily eats and life today. Tell me, What is your favorite flavor at Popcornopolis? Are you a cat or dog person? Or too devoted to the show Catdog to pick?? How do you feel about taking rest days? *Disclaimer: Because I know many of my readers are of the eating disorder recovery community, I feel the need to precede today's discussion with a possible trigger warning. The topic of weight loss will be discussed but not by any means promoted or advertised using dangerous diet tactics. Above all else my posts promote self-love and health in both the physical and mental sense and today's is no different. That being said if you feel that a discussion of weight loss may upset you, feel free to skip over to this post which will no doubt make you smile, and maybe even crack up, without any mention of the words "weight" or "calorie"* ~Self Love & Weight Loss?~I'm treading a bit carefully today, because I feel like in Western society, the subject of weight loss has become very perverted and now carries thousands of negative, harmful connotations of which it may never be completely rid. So when you read the words "weight loss" throughout this post, I want you to try to imagine the unhealthy sub categories that are usually linked to losing weight as balloons. Think of things like "diet fad", "lose ten pounds FAST", "juice cleanse", "get thin quick" as balloons attached to weight loss. Then cut their strings and watch them disappear, if only for the next ten minutes. Because the only weight loss I can talk about without sacrificing my newfound healthy relationship with food and my character is a form of weight loss that operates on self-love not self loathing. I don't know if it's possible to loose weight without losing a sense of self love. I don't know if one can lose weight while counting blessings rather than calories or macros. But with your help, that's what I'd like to find out today. ~Setting Goals Without Clenching Control~I am of the belief that rigidity, above all else, is what allows eating disorders to gain speed and causes weight loss to become unhealthy. Rigidity by my definition includes, but is not limited to... - making certain foods off limits - creating "rules" about what time to eat instead of eating intuitively - going along with the previous one, not eating when you're hungry if it's not the right time - not eating when you're hungry if you're "out of calories" or "out of macros" - not eating when you're hungry. period. - avoiding social situations for fear of eating (or drinking) Since having reached a steady state recovery, becoming weight restored, and more importantly, becoming happy, I vowed to not to make any of the rigid, control issues that once fueled my eating disorder part of my live ever again. So when I decided I wanted to lose about 3-5 pounds so that I would have better energy throughout the day and get in the habit of eating more wholesome foods with lots of vitamins and nutrients, I knew the only way I could make it happen is to set flexible goals that are realistic and I would actually enjoy accomplishing. Enjoy losing weight? If that sounds crazy to you, remember that we already cut off all those negative balloons from weight loss and watched them soar out of our lives. The only weight loss that we're considering is one that is motivated by health, not vanity, and never body shames. I want to make very clear that I love my body at it's current weight as much (if not more) as I'll love it if I lose weight. Why would I love it more? Because this body, at this weight, is what brought me happiness. Gaining weight, and recovery in general, changed my life for the better and I will not forget that. Instead I'll focus on improving my physical and mental health even further by implementing 5 Flexible Goals1) Buy fresh veggies every week
When I buy fresh vegetables, whether it's from the farmers market or the produce section of my market, I'll use them throughout the week. If I don't have them on hand I'm more likely to eat processed, pre-packaged foods instead of making my own. My favorite veggies are zucchini and spinach because they take five minutes to sautée in olive oil and eat like that or mix with eggs or pasta. I also love making spaghetti squash with turkey sauce and baking sweet potato rounds. 2) Continue choosing sugar over 0 calorie sweeteners I will not sacrifice my digestive health. I once abused diet drinks, diet cheese, diet chips, you name it. And because of my poor choices in this area I deal with stomach issues every day. I have to monitor my stomach constantly because now even super nutritious foods like raw vegetables, dairy, etc. irritate it. I will never put 0 calorie chemicals into my body again. It's so not worth it. 3) Be aware of sugar I'm consuming daily (that is not naturally occurring in fruits etc. ) I've got a sweet tooth, and I'm never going to deprive myself of things I love like chocolate, cookies, candy, etc. That being said, I do want to be more aware of how much of these things I'm putting into my body, not only for weight loss reasons, but for my overall energy and wellness. I will still enjoy my favorite treats, but I will try to have most of my sugar come from fruits and vegetables - unprocessed sources. 4) Add more 20 minute cardio sessions to workouts I don't plan on doing cardio every day, nor do I think that's necessarily healthy, but I'd like to increase my cardio from where it's at now on a weekly basis. Why 20 minutes? I don't want to get bored or over-exert my body. I feel like 20 minute sessions are a great way to get my heart rate up whether it be a HIIT session, a jog outside, or spin. And then it's over and I can move on with my day. 5) Remember that all I do, I do with self love It should go without saying that this is the most important number on the list. It's the only one that's not flexible. For me, self love is non-negotiable. With every added veggie, spoon of sugar in my coffee, bite of ice cream after dinner, and cardio session I will remember that I love my body and it does not determine my self worth, now or ever. Happy Halloween everybody! That healthy trick-or-treating E-card was just too funny not to open with. It also pokes some fun at the "fit life" or "gym life" that many healthy-minded folks subscribe to. Today I'm filling out the Health Survey that's been floating around the internet. It's about my life. Not the "fit life" or "gym life" but the balanced life that I aim to create and promote. Just in time for Halloween camdy eating tonight! By the end of this post you'll be ready to chow down mindfully and enjoy your treats without any of those guilting, body-shaming mind tricks going on! ~A Healthy(ezsweet) Survey~1) What did you eat for breakfast? Today as I was walking to my university's campus café to purchase my usual post-workout monster bowl of eggs and hash browns, I saw a bunch of tables set up on the quad decked out in blue and gold. Next I saw these huge tables of pastries, egg burritos, etc! It was a FREE breakfast put on for parents weekend. I'm sorry mom and dad, I totally deprived you of the deliciousness by forgetting it was parents weekend in the first place, but I enjoyed it for the both of us ;) I had a big bowl of oatmeal with lots of honey, cranberries, and sliced banana along with two egg & sausage breakfast burritos minus the tortilla because it wasn't GF. Plus coffee. Always coffee. 2) How much water do you drink each day? I don't measure or pay close attention to my daily water consumption for a very specific reason. Monitoring my water intake used to be one of the most consistent ways for me to assert control during the height of my eating disorder. I had a 24 oz Camelbak that I would refill and drink 4x each day - usually all 24 oz. in one sitting. I'd drink until I was so uncomfortably full and could hear the water sloshing around in my stomach. I'd drink water to suppress hunger. It was not healthy. Today I am very careful not to set any "water goals" for my day. I drink when I'm thirsty and avoid diet drinks. If I notice mid-way through the day that I haven't had very much water so far, I'll drink a glass. 3) What is your current favorite workout? That's a tough one! I'd have to say the Blogilates Pumped Up Cardio Warmup . It never fails to put a smile on my face, even on days that I literally have 0 desire to work out. The music is a great pop blend that goes along with each dynamic move, and I'm always sweating a bit by the end of the routine. It's fun cardio that will make your body happy - not the super intense HIIT kind (although Cassey has some great videos for that too!) I used to do Blogilates every day, and could follow along with the toughest routines no problem. After focusing on other types of exercise, I realize I've lost some of my POP Pilates endurance. I'm reincorporating POP into my workouts because it truly makes me feel proud of my body. Cassey's body-positive vibe is unlike any other. 4) How many calories do you eat each day? I can honestly say I have no idea how many calories I eat on a daily basis - and I'm damn proud of that. I haven't counted a single calorie since last May and I've never felt stronger, happier, or more confident in my skin. I will say that I eat a lot :) probably 2,500 - 2,700 a day, but that's really a rough estimate. I don't really have a clue. 5) What are your favorite healthy snacks? Right now I'm really loving LARA Bars hence why I decided to include a box of them in my Healthyezsweet Fall Giveaway (enter here!) because they're the perfect portable snack to bring to school without all the tummy-trouble causing whey & case-in that other bars have. I also love to get fancy with toasts for a quick snack. My favorite combos are either cream cheese + fried egg or peanut butter + chia seeds + frozen blueberries on Canyon Bakehouse's GF bread. 6) What do you usually eat for lunch? I tend to vary my meals on the daily; I'm not really one for meal prep. One of my favorite things to whip up if I'm low on time and not wanting to eat out are these Almond Crisp Crusted Turkey Burgers. They're gluten free and have the awesome crunch of the chicken fingers I used to eat when I was little. 7) What is your favorite body part to train? I'd have to agree with Julia @ lordstilllovesme on this one (which is fitting because she gave me the idea for the survey!) I love to train abs best. I love feeling my abs tighten as I do bicycle crunches or double leg lifts. It takes a lot of control and proper breathing to do abdominal exercises correctly, and I like the calmness of it in a sense. That being said, shoulders come in at a close second. I was blessed with my mom's "Lucero shoulders" and they are one of the more defined parts of my body, so I like to train them and watch in the mirror. Shoulder raises are my fave, and I can't stand bent over delt flyes. 8) What is your least favorite body part to train? If it includes push-ups, then chest. If not then cardio. Sometimes I'm in the mood to sprint it out, but not usually! 9) What are your "bad food" cravings? That's easy, I don't have any bad food cravings because there's no such thing as a bad food. I came up with a guide to intuitive eating a few months ago that I now live by. Nothing is bad or off limits and everything is enjoyed in moderation. I know it sounds cheesy (oooh.. cheese) and unrealistic, but it's a real way to live. It's a healthy relationship with food that everyone can have. 10) Do you take vitamins or supplements? Not really; I should be better about this. I have tons of jars of different gummy vitamins sitting in my cupboard, but when I was having severe abdominal pain and stomach issues my doctor suggested that gummy vitamins can cause uncomfortable bloating and gas in some people, so I cut them out. As for supplements I use MiraLax once in awhile for constipation and Charcoal Pills for gas. Charcoal pills are literally a god send for anyone who struggles with embarrassing gas. They're completely natural and you can buy them on Amazon for not too expensive. They work fast - and the only thing I've found to do so. 11) How often do you eat out? Probably 4 times a week. I have a standing dinner every Wednesday night with my dad, my grandma, and my little brother. Sometimes we'll go to a deli or have spaghetti and meatballs delivered. My family loves to eat, and my grandma loves to plan what we eat. She's been known to make dinner plans while at lunch. 12) Do you eat fast food? Heck yeah. I try to limit processed foods just for the sake of my stomach issues, but I love desserts like none other. My all time favorite fast food treat is an oreo shake from Jack-in-the-Box. One day I hope to live in a world where they are gluten free. A girl can dream... 13) Who is your biggest supporter? I'm incredibly blessed with a unbreakable support system. My family gives me unconditional love and respects my decisions even when they don't love them. My mom, dad, aunts, uncles, grandma, and brothers have my back no matter what. They are my rocks. I'm also lucky to call this young lady my best friend. I am more honest with her than I am with myself sometimes and she never fails to make me feel better or strive to be the best version of myself. 14) Do you have a gym membership? Yup! You can find me sweating it out at the community center around the corner from my house on days that I'm not on campus to use UCLA's fitness center. 15) How many hours of sleep do you get each night? On school nights I aim for eight and on other nights it's probably closer to seven. 16) Do you have a cheat day? I wouldn't be a very good student if I cheated now would I?! Again, I practice intuitive eating. No cheat days. No restriction. Balance. 17) Do you drink alcohol? Only in situations / at events where I feel 100% safe & comfortable. When I'm in Panama, I like to enjoy a couple of drinks at my brother's bar or go to parties with my boyfriend 1-2x a week. When I'm in student mode in CA, I rarely drink. I like my system because when I'm in school I can focus on just that - school. When I'm in Panama I can have some party-mode fun. It may seem crazy, but I feel way safer going out there than here at some fraternity house. 18) Do you have a workout buddy? Only if you count Baby Relic when he's trying to muscle me off my Pilates mat or bite my toes during burpees. I tend to view my workouts as "me time". It's the time of my day when I can escape from anything else going on in my life and be a little selfish. I do exactly what I want and how I want it. It's all about me. 19) What's the best thing about your life that has changed since committing to a healthy lifestyle? I'm going to answer this in terms of how my life has changed since I committed to recovering from my eating disorder and began practicing self love. I could write a novel on just how much happier I am since I stopped counting calories, exercising obsessively, and trying to create the perfect body. Instead I'll give you a few hi-lights. I have less anxiety. I am not using my precious time to relentlessly plan what to eat when and if I do have a plan of some sort, I don't get hysterical if it changes. I am not constantly cold anymore. I smile genuinely. I am capable of being in a loving relationship because I love myself. 20) What is the last healthy thing you did? I apologized. I happen to think that admitting wrong-doing and taking responsibility is a very healthy thing to do. I got angry at my boyfriend over something that wasn't his fault, and I apologized for my inappropriate reaction. I feel lucky that we communicate the way we do. ~Your Turn!~I want to hear you answer the healthy survey! Comment below which # you're most excited to answer and what balance means to you. Have a safe, yummy halloween!!
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