Actually no, for once I'm not.
But you can't seriously be saying that vegetables have been a #fearfood for you! Don't most of them have like negative calories?? What's to fear about a healthy, raw food?
Beginning in February and through June of 2015 I was forced to seek medical care for the debilitating abdominal pain, sulfuric flatulence, and extreme bloating that I was suffering. I go into detail about the severity of my symptoms and the various digestive conditions I was diagnosed with in Round-Trip Recovery: Reparation and Restoration (Part One), but the one thing all my doctors seemed to agree on was that I had a "slow stomach". Tired of having to call out of work due to the sharp pain and having to avoid social situations due to the embarrassing gas, I clung to any possible solutions doctors tossed at me in hopes of relief.
I pulled this list from my Instagram account. I remember looking at that list for the first time many months ago and my eyes zero-ing in on lines 4-6 in the "Foods to Avoid" section. What kind of healthy diet eliminates fresh fruit, raw veggies (my doctor adjusted that to all veggies by the way), and salad? Ever since I became aware of my body - it's size and functionality - I had tried to substitute veggies whenever I could. When my family went out to eat both my mother and I always ordered salad. The best part of my week was always Saturday because that was when mom brought home giant bags of fresh, farmers market fruit that we would have with every meal until the next Saturday rolled around. |
It took a long time for me to become comfortable with my new diet, sans-vegetables, and it took even longer to become comfortable with the weight gain that came with it. My doctors did know best (surprise surprise) and taking the vegetables out of my diet gave my digestive system the break it needed from sorting through all that roughage while simultaneously dealing with more serious issues. And because I believe everything happens for a reason I can see the beauty in how my food choices, and my relationship with food in general, evolved. Because I couldn't rely on my safe, low calorie, vegetable choices I was forced to experiment with the other type of carbs that I had avoided for so long because "vegetables were the healthier choice". Once that statement was no longer true I little by little conquered my fear of higher calorie and higher carb content foods. Little did I know that the fear that was once reserved for carbs and ice cream, which I now enjoy on a weekly if not daily basis whenever I feel like practicing some sugary self care, was reappointed as the head emotion geared towards veggies.
I went from this... -------> To this...
Is it worth the risk of being so bloated again? Do you want that nasty gas to return? Ready to be in pain?
So each time I wanted to give veggies a go, I didn't. It didn't take long for me to figure out that I had allowed the roots of my eating disorder to find a new outlet, a new way to control me and my diet. I had allowed myself to fall victim to seeing foods as "good" or "bad" again and it was time to address this old demon head on. So what did I do?
I went to the Farmer's Market this Saturday!
- A big bunch of swiss chard
- An eggplant
- 3 zucchini
- and some delicious BBQ baked tofu because it's to die for
Do you have any recipes with a good chard or eggplant base?
Have you ever allowed a "fearfood" to affect how you eat?
Let me know in the comments!